


i don’t let go

by b_dubinsky



Category: Men’s Hockey RPF
Genre: Getting Together, High School AU, M/M, handjobs, maybe other things i missed, slight slut shaming, sorry mat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 06:13:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17677988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b_dubinsky/pseuds/b_dubinsky
Summary: he was a slut. unabashed, unashamed, he wore it like a badge. hickeys above his collar during school and faint scratches down his back and across his shoulders in the locker room, anytime he took his shirt off.if anthony was 100% honest, it was disrespectful he thought.





	i don’t let go

he was a slut. unabashed, unashamed, he wore it like a badge. hickeys above his collar during school and faint scratches down his back and across his shoulders in the locker room, anytime he took his shirt off.   
if anthony was 100% honest, it was disrespectful he thought.   
disrespectful to mat’s mother who had to ask him to take off his shirts to wash or disrespectful to their coach who walked in while they were each in various states of undress, mat’s showings of the night before always on full display.   
anthony doesn’t think he would ever put everything he does out for everyone else to see like mathew does but that really isn’t his business and tito will eventually learn to keep his nose in his own.   
“barzal, you’re with beauvillier.” their chemistry teacher announced, going down the list of new partners.   
of course they talked. they had to. they were on the high school varsity team together. that’s how it was. but they didn’t have any outstanding chemistry with each other like some of the other boys on the team. (pun really not intended, but, hey, you do you.)  
“hey, beauvi! cool to be your partner, bro.” mat smiled and oh no, tito was definitely gonna be thoroughly fucked.   
“yeah, for sure. look, i just wanna get a good grade in this class. don’t fool around too much, yeah?”   
“oh...okay yeah sure, tito. no problem.” he smiled a little sadly and fuck, anthony didn’t mean to-  
“hey, you know i didn’t mean it like that i just-“  
“i know exactly what you meant. i’ll try my hardest.” he spoke but he was looking in his book, scribbling little lines on the table.   
later that day at practice, tito comes up behind him and taps his shins with his stick.   
“sorry for the way i acted in chem earlier.” he apologized, taking off his glove to shake mat’s hand but mat ultimately just hugged him.   
“it’s fine dude. wanna ride home with me? we can start our presentation. i know you’re a really good student. i don’t wanna change that since i’m sorta a slacker so we can go ahead and start.”   
“yeah for sure. i’ll have to call my mom and tell her she can just go straight home.”   
“does she sit out there until practice is over?” he asked with a laugh as tito put his glove back on.   
“it’s usually me sitting out there.” anthony laughed, messing with a puck that had found its way to their corner.   
“damn tito. how bout i just start taking you home myself so you don’t have to wait?” mat offered.   
“i mean, you don’t-“   
“boys! less chitchat, more hockey!” coach yelled and they were back at it.   
after showers and everything, tito texted his mom and told her she could go on home and he’d be catching a ride home.   
“so about that offer for the rest of the year. what do you think?” mathew asked as they settled into the car.   
“uh, yeah i can ask my mom if that’s cool. you totally don’t have to but like, you can.” he replied, getting into his seatbelt and getting comfortable.   
“i know what you think. i know what everyone thinks. it doesn’t matter to me what everyone else thinks as long as you think i’m semi-decent. that’s all i need, anthony.”   
“why are you saying this?” anthony asked, shifting uncomfortably in the passenger seat.   
“i just wanted you to know that you matter more to me than anyone else, really.” he stated truthfully and tito took the time to look over at him; no hellacious bruises or bites that he could see. he’ll look more when mat undoubtedly takes off his shirt at his house.   
when they got there, he said a brief greeting to his mother, father an absent body watching a game on tv. he dragged anthony back to his bedroom and flipped on the bed, throwing his backpack on the floor.   
his room was a bit cleaner than anthony would’ve thought coming from mathew barzal and all. it had a couple band posters, different from anthony’s own hockey ones scattered around the place. there were only two shirts on the floor and a pair of sweats draped over the back of his desk chair. his bed was pressed up into the corner of the room with a dresser at the door of it and he had various medals hanging around with trophies on the dresser to accent them.   
“so how bout you just tell me straight up how you think about me.” he said suddenly and tito had to acknowledge him now shirtless and, a scarce thought ever, markless.   
“what do you mean, barz?” he asked, shifting from foot to foot, still not having sat down.   
“what does your brain call me when i’m away? what can’t your mouth say to me?”   
“you’re a slut and i don’t understand why. like, you could have anyone you wanted for a long time but you choose to fuck around with people.” anthony said before he could think of what was coming out of his mouth.   
“you’re right. but that’s just it. i only did it because i had all these feelings for one person and i didn’t know how to get them out.”   
“how about talking to them? it isn’t really that hard to bring it up to someone.”   
“i’m trying.” mathew said quietly and anthony found his eyebrows converging.   
“what?”   
“sit down, loser.” mat hit the spot on the bed beside him and tito nervously took it. “i like you. you’re the person i had, have i mean, feelings for and i couldn’t bring it up to you because i didn’t know how you’d feel about people like me but then i saw you at chris’ party and dude, you were all over him.” mat shook his head lightly.   
“i’m gay as shit, man.” he laughed.   
“yeah i figured that out that’s why i knew i had to tell you.”   
“i thought you were fucking chicks i mean, dude, those scratches on your back looked like fucking claw marks. like a legitimate cat could’ve gotten ahold of you.” tito laughed.   
“oh yeah i’ll have that shit for a long time. guys are vicious sometimes. i’d know.”   
anthony and him laughed a little more until they didn’t and were both caught staring at each other.   
“i like you, anthony beauvillier.”   
“i like you, too, mathew barzal.”   
mat took initiative and leaned in to kiss anthony, flopping himself into his lap.   
“mathew.” anthony groaned into mat’s mouth and he pulled back. “not yet.”   
so they did their chemistry project (and finished it that night, too, thanks) and when mat took anthony home, they sat outside his house for a bit.   
“so what are we?” mat asked.   
“we’re talking. use the knowledge that you actually have my number.” anthony smiled, leaning over to kiss him quickly before getting out of the car and going into his house.   
after taking a shower and getting comfortable in his bed to watch a movie, his phone dinged.   
mathew barzal: hey :)  
tito contemplated it for a little bit as the intro rolled in on the breakfast club (he’s a basic white bitch leave him to do it.)  
anthony beauvillier: hi 👋🏻  
he turned his phone off and sat it down, only for it to light up as soon as he put his arm back under the cover.   
mathew barzal: what’s up?  
anthony beauvillier: nothing much. watching the breakfast club. what are you doing?  
mathew barzal: typing a paper  
mathew barzal changed your nickname to tito!  
tito changed mathew barzal’s nickname to mat!  
tito: why are you texting me then? get to it!  
mat: you’re funner   
tito: see this is exactly why   
mat: i know that it’s ‘more fun’ but what other ways can i bother you? :)  
tito: leaving me alone  
mat: it’d bother you if i left you alone?  
tito: yeah   
it would   
mat: guess i’m gonna have to talk to you all night then   
mat wants to facetime  
anthony pressed the ‘accept’ button on his phone and waited for it to connect.   
“if you wanna watch your movie, i can totally just sit here and type my paper and we can stay on call.” mat said as soon as they whooshing noise indicated they were connected on the call.   
“nah i’d rather talk to you.”   
“you’re so cute, what the fuck?” mat sighed, rubbing his hand across his face leaving his hair a mess.   
“you’re cuter.” he smiled, situating himself so he could snuggle his face into the blanket but still hold his phone to talk to mathew.   
“ugh no. look at you all cuddled up in your bed. that’s fucking adorable.”   
“you can’t say shit like this to me and expect me to function like an actual human.” tito laughed.   
“then don’t function like an actual human.”   
and they fell asleep on facetime, each waking up when their mothers came in their bedrooms to wake them up, at the same time surprisingly.   
“hey, tito.” mathew lazily smiled, accidentally dropping his phone on his face as he stretched out.   
“hi, mat. you ok?”   
“yeah. wanna stay on the phone till i come to get you? make it a record probably?” he asked, voice straining from him stretching.   
“would your morning routine be fucked if you talked to me and picked me up?” he asked, worrisome.   
mathew really didn’t have to go out of his way to do all of this. it wasn’t necessary but anthony would be lying if he said he didn’t appreciate it and didn’t make his heart flutter.   
“it really isn’t a big deal. why wouldn’t i want to do things for my almost maybe boyfriend?” he asked and yeah. that’s that.   
they got ready over the phone together and mat sat his phone in the hole under his radio that held pennies and things so he could laugh with tito as he drove to his house.   
when tito got in the car, throwing his bag in the back, he reluctantly hung up with him if only for the ringing noise it created when the phones were near each other.   
“hi.” anthony laughed, kissing mat’s cheek before buckling himself in. “my right now definitely boyfriend.”   
“what?” mat exclaimed, gripping the steering wheel.   
“wanna do it? be my boyfriend i mean?”   
“yes oh my god yeah!” mathew yelled and yep. they were doing it.   
when mathew sent him his schedule midway through first period, he knew what it was for.   
tito: are we gonna be that cheesy couple?  
mat: you fucking know it! i wanna hold my boyfriends hand through the halls and kiss him outside of classes.   
is that ok with you?   
are you out?  
do you care about people knowing?  
tito: i’m out, yeah and no i don’t care about people knowing   
i wanna wear you around like a badge   
mat: me too :))  
tito: i gotta go got a quiz.   
meet you at the stairs after class?  
mat: for sure. ly <3  
tito: ly2  
so they got into a routine. depending on where mat’s class was, they’d meet about halfway and mat would kiss him, holding his hand out and they’d tangle their fingers together, walking through the halls to get to mat’s next class and hug outside that one.   
“you coming with me after school?” mathew asked at lunch.   
“if you want me to.”   
“i definitely want you to.” and that was that.   
tito went straight out to mat’s car after class, getting settled in the passenger seat, pulling down the notification bar on his phone to look at the text coach sent earlier.   
coach j: no practice tonight or thursday. see you friday and game saturday   
mathew dropped himself into the drivers seat as soon as tito went to turn some music on.   
“hola.” mat laughed.   
“bonjour.” anthony smiled.   
“holy shit i forgot you were french!” he nearly yelled, pulling out of his parking spot.   
“you’d think with a last name like ‘beauvillier’ you wouldn’t forget.”   
“leave me alone. i’m taking you somewhere special you better respect me boy.”   
‘somewhere special’ was kfc because he’s chaotic and doesn’t care about like, gaining weight or anything, and a little picnic table that looked out over the lake.   
“only a couple more months before summer and we can come down here and actually swim.” he smiled, eating a piece of popcorn chicken and looking thoughtfully out at the sky.   
“we? as in the team? that’d be cool bonding.”  
“no ya fucking goof. we as in us. me and you.” he said, grabbing tito’s hand and tangling their fingers together.   
anthony groaned and blushed, smiling down at the picnic table.   
“you aren’t terrible you know that?”   
“you either, tito.”   
he texted his mom a little later asking if he could stay overnight with mat, he’d drop by and get some clothes and things but he didn’t wanna be too long.   
when she said yes, they immediately got in the car and drove towards his house and when he got there, he got the outfit that required the least amount of thought, kissed his moms cheek and gave his dad a fist bump before walking back out the door.   
“you’re efficient.” mat smiled as tito slung his clothes in his backseat.   
“just wanted to come back out here to see my baby.”   
when they got to mat’s house, no one was home.   
“i didn’t think they’d left already the fuck?”   
“where are they?”   
“vacation i guess. told me they were going out of town for a few days but i thought they were leaving tomorrow morning.”   
“maybe they just-“   
“no they’re gone anthony.”   
“calm down. you alright?” he asked quietly. mat seemed sad.   
“i’m fine just, they lied to me.” he sighed, flopping down on the couch.   
anthony wasn’t normally known to take risks but right now his fucking boyfriend was sad and he was gonna do anything to make him happy again, so he moved until his knees bracketed mat’s thighs, grabbing his face and kissing him.   
“i’m here, though.” he whispered against his neck.   
“you are.”   
he pulled at the hem of mat’s hoodie and they separated as he peeled it off.   
their lips connected again as mat’s hands found their way to the front of anthony’s pants, pawing aptly and wishing they could just poof off but that’s not how things in the real world work, mathew.   
“bedroom?” anthony asked breathlessly, standing up and pulling mat up soon after.   
they made out, stopping to lean against walls sometimes, on their way to the bedroom and when they got there, tito shoved mat onto the bed.   
“off i want all of it off.” he growled pulling all of his clothes off as mat took his remaining clothes off.   
mat reached out with a whine once he was undressed, wanting anthony to hurry up and touch.   
when anthony was naked, he draped his body over mathew’s and kissed him gently, letting his fingertips graze over his body.   
“really want you to fuck me but i don’t think i can do it patiently right now.” mat gasped against tito’s lips as his fingers grazed over his lower stomach.   
“shh, it’s ok. i’ve got you. fucking can come later.” he whispered quietly trying to calm mat down.   
he grabbed the head of mat’s dick with his thumb and forefinger as if examining it carefully before he spread the precinct down mat’s length and started a slow pace, moving his hand up and down gently.   
“oh my god i’m gonna kick you in the dick if you don’t speed it up a little.” mat groaned, assertive as ever and tito just laughed, licking his hand a little and fitting both of them in one hand.   
he jerked the both of them off with a slow rhythm but a tight hold and soon enough, they were each coming, sighing the others name.   
after anthony had cleaned them both up minimally, he laid back down and cuddled up next to mat.   
“you’re so sweet.” mathew smiled sleepily into tito’s shoulder.   
“you too, baby.” he kissed his hair and ran his hand up and down mat’s arm. “i’m here and i don’t let go.”   
“me either.”

**Author's Note:**

> -not proofread (sorry i’m lazy)   
> -and au (again i’m sorry)   
> -poorly written   
> -title from ‘i don’t let go’ by xxxtentacion


End file.
